She did it.

For over a year now forces have conspired to encourage Alice to get the immunization for cervical cancer and genital herpes (i.e. Gardasil). Her doctor recommended it at her last check up. I’ve brought it up a number of times. Her friends have talked about it. She’s even gotten literature from the school nurse.

That’s all fine. But there’s a small detail mucking up the best laid plans: Alice is afraid of shots.

I think I wrote about this before. There’s lots of things that Alice doesn’t like and has a strong opinion about. There’s really one thing she’s afraid of. Hypodermic needles. Specifically the kind headed for her skin.

To make matters worse, she’s heard from other kids that this particular shot hurts a lot. One person told her that it’s a thick needle that goes to the bone. Another told her that her arm hurt for a week.

Wrong. All wrong.

Big change, little reaction

Last weekend I got my hair highlighted. It’s lighter. Much lighter. Not Madonna blonde, but it’s definitely a lighter dark blonde than my hair was before. I’d call the old color, “Nondescript Brown with hints of Blonde and flecks of Gray.” It was time for something a little brighter. And this time I wanted to actually be able to see  a difference. I’ve had my hair highlighted a few times before, and although there was the suggestion of color I barely could tell the difference. This time? Absolutely.

See the picture above? That’s the new color. Me with the old color is on the right, taken a couple weeks earlier.

But nobody else can see it. I think. At least no one is saying anything. It’s been a week now. A whole week of work, meetings, lots of interactions with lots of people. Nothing.

So here’s my question. Is it because…

a. they don’t see a difference

b. they didn’t care enough to notice my hair color before so they don’t see a difference

c. they do see a difference and kindly are reserving comment because they don’t like it

d. they do see a difference but they aren’t the kind to say anything about someone’s appearance or

e. they do see a difference, think it looks great, but are insanely jealous of me and don’t want to admit that it’s good so they feel worse about themselves.

OK. Just kidding with the last one. I’m not in middle school.

What she doesn’t know

The other day Alice asked me why people try to lose weight.

Before I could launch into some other discussion she wasn’t asking for, she said that she was asking because a friend of her’s, who is perfectly healthy and at a perfectly healthy weight, is trying to lose weight and she wondered why she would do this.

I do think that Alice gets the big picture about women and weight and body image, but she’s never had to deal with it directly. Alice has always been slim and with puberty has achieved with little effort the body of about 5% of her peers. I hated girls like her when I was her age. Ok, not hate, hate. But envy hate. Like it was all so easy for them, to look great without working out or dieting… but this isn’t about me. Well not entirely.

In our conversation it occurred to me that Alice has been isolated from the pain and suffering of body image woes that many young and adult women face. That fuel the gazillion dollar industry of weight loss drugs, plans, exercise equipment, books, therapy, clothing, cosmetics, all around helping women try to lose weight or feel better about themselves at the weight they are or are trying to achieve.

You should hear yourself speak (or ask others to)

It’s unusual to have an opportunity to witness your own parenting. The process is usually internally reflective: we do or say something to our kids and think about whether it was right or wrong, how it sounded, whether it was really effective. But once in a while we can actually hear the impact of parenting in progress. Or hear how your partner sounds during parenting in a way that helps your own.

So, this morning we went to breakfast and on the way back invited Alice to drive. It’s been quite a while since the roads have been so icy or snowcovered. And Alice knows I won’t drive with her in those conditions. That’s her dad’s department. But we’ve had pretty warmish temperatures (for Minnesota) of late and a good dose of rain over the weekend. So most of our main roads are fine. Wet maybe, but fine for driving.

I sat in the back seat and learned with the first stop sign that only one of us should be directing the show. Patrick was in the front seat; he can do it. What my back seat status gave me though, was a chance to listen. And it wasn’t pretty. Now, my husband is a very reasonable guy. And he’s a good parent. And my observations of the exchange are nothing that I wouldn’t have done myself, so this is not a slam on his parenting.

But during the ride, I could hear how frustrating it must be to be a teenager learning to drive with people who are not skilled in teaching teens to drive. Every stop, every turn, seemingly every decision she made was reacted to, either with additional instruction (“OK, but remember to also watch out for the cars on your left”) or admonishment (“Not so fast!” “You know what you just did might have caused an accident.”). She was trying to drive (which she hasn’t done for a month at least) and wanted a break. I know this because she said so. As I listened to her respond it was obvious that she wanted some consideration, along with the instruction.

And what she didn’t want – and what she didn’t need was a) criticism and b) analysis and c) extreme emotion. Again, I admit guilt on all accounts when it’s my turn to her right. But I’m glad I could observe this. And learn.

On a lighter – but related note. Here’s a VERY funny and apt demonstration of parent-teen driving terror from the new ABC series, Modern Family.

Now THIS is what you do with extra snow

It’s winter in Minnesota. OK, it’s winter everywhere in the U.S. but in Minnesota we feel winter for nearly six months. It’s cold and it snows. Or it doesn’t snow but it’s still cold. And it’s still white (or grayish white). And it’s still icy. It doesn’t do any good to feel weary about it because it stays and gets colder or snows more or all of the above.

Best to just enjoy it.

And some folks around here know how to really enjoy it. I didn’t realize how much until I was driving through the state fairgrounds the other day. The St. Paul campus of the University of Minnesota borders the massive state fairgrounds and shares a parking lot. The parking lot the university lets me park in when I visit this campus. On my way to a meeting I turn down one of the folksy drives of the fairground and see this:

Snow sculptures. There were about two dozen 20 foot blocks of snow lined up in a large rectangle. You’re looking at the back of the rectangle from the street(best to click on the pictures to see them in a bigger view). Several of the blocks were being sculpted. By Thursday the others remained untouched so my guess is that at the snow carnival or whatever they are doing this weekend the others will be sculpted as an event.

How very cool. Cold, actually, of the hearty folks in Minnesota to do such a fun and artistic thing with their snow!

The House of Prince will have to wait

Many who know me and who know Alice ask about her modeling. For those who haven’t yet, yes, she still does it. At least in the sense that she’s still with Vision, Elija is still my new best friend, and she still gets invited to casting calls.

They don’t come very often, which I attribute to the economy – if things are bad for necessities, I can imagine the hit on photography, advertising and marketing. But it’s just as well. Alice’s life is more than busy with school which includes studying for the ACT/SAT, ballet and her increasingly active social life. And without an independent means of transportation, getting to casting calls means fitting into my schedule too – or having lots of extra time for buses and trains into who knows where. And weighing the adventure of going to a casting call and the variable probability of getting the job with a) catching up on sleep, b) catching up on homework, c) hanging with friends or d) just not going through the extra effort usually tips Alice’s attitude away from the whole thing anyway.

Or, it’s something she can’t control. The casting call is for someone Alice isn’t. For example, yesterday she was invited to do the Voltage Show this spring. This is the fashion-rock show held at First Avenue (the night club Prince popularized) that she did last spring. Only this year, she can’t. Because she’s not 18. The invitation apologized that minors could not participate (I’m imagining legal issues). So, she can’t because she’s ineligible. No big deal. It didn’t pay and the experience is only new once.

Instantly grown up

It’s always fun to see people that you haven’t in a while, when you visit your former home town. It’s particularly fascinating to see kids that you knew.

On my trip to DC last week I saw kids that Alice knew growing up. When I saw them last they were 9 or 12 or 13. I see them again and now they are 16 or 17. You know what puberty does to kid’s body? Amazing. All of sudden these kids are tall (everyone’s taller than me). The boys have facial hair, the girls are wearing makeup, they are fit, or fat, and they pretty much dress alike. But they’re older. Almost adult like. And mostly they don’t look at all like the kids we knew before.

Of course this isn’t a surprise. It’d be a surprise if they didn’t look different. But we get so used to seeing our own kids and their friends on a regular basis that the changes are incremental, sometimes imperceptible. When it’s years though, they seem to have sprouted, like hormonal magic at work.

It’s not like this with adults. We don’t change that much in a couple years. And when we do either we don’t want anyone to notice (the weight, the gray, the wrinkles) or we’re a bit bothered when they don’t (the weight loss, the new hair cut or color, that we are happier). We hold our physical changes at bay, and seem to put a lot of work on the internal dynamics.

But it’s fun seeing kids Alice’s age – and Alice too – change on the outside. As parents and friends we know the rest of the story about how they’ve developed. And then we pause, and sigh, because we know that what we’ve been told about how quickly they grow is absolutely true.

2009 Top 7 Plus 2 Plus 2

If every great and small film critic can have a best of list for 2009, why not me? So, in no particular order are my top 7 films from 2009, plus some honorable mentions. At the end I list a few that didn’t make the list because they just weren’t that great (to me) or that I just haven’t had a chance to see but probably will if they get Oscar nominations.

The Hurt Locker: Intense, gripping, not preachy look at the war in Iraq by the story of a bomb detonation specialist. This isn’t an easy or fun film to watch, but it’s incredibly well done and deserves any award handed to it. Also: directed by Katherine Bigelow. If she wins Best Director, it will be a first for women in this category of the Oscars.

(500) Days of Summer: And for something completely different, there’s this light film that gives an honest (one person) view of finding and losing love, not necessarily in that order. This film should at least get nominated for Original Screenplay. The soundtrack should be on everyone’s iPod. It’s on mine and has turned me into a fan of Regina Spektor and the Smiths.

District 9: Science fiction on a low budget that looks and feels spectacular. This is great storytelling laid on top of a thinly veiled presentation of apartheid. Following one man’s transition from bureaucrat to hunted refugee I felt as much as I was amazed by what I saw. I’m generally not that big on science fiction/fantasy films. This was the best I’ve seen in a very long time (including Avatar, see below).

Familiar visitor

I had the most glorious trip to Maryland/Washington DC this past week. I stayed with my great friends and former next door neighbors, visited friends on the Univ. of Maryland campus, had dinner with other great friends and just took some ‘me’ time. A few days away between the increasingly busy and stressful academic semesters. In the place we lived, worked and Alice grew up for 12 years. Such great people and such a great break.

But returning to a place we lived for so long feels a bit like being in limbo*. This is no longer our home, though it still is very familiar. It’s different than visiting a different town, like on vacation or for work. There is history and a sense of comfort, pretty much everything is known, but it’s not home any more. I talk to my former work colleagues. What they are doing and who they talk about is very known. But it’s not my work now. And my friends are still my close friends, and though I stay in touch through Facebook, email and phone calls, knowing that I can’t snag them for coffee or a movie, or take a long walk when one of us needs to talk, changes things. We are part of our lives but sharing our lives seems to be in doses not a constant.

What adds to this sense of limbo is living in a new place that is no longer new. After two and a half years the geography is increasingly familiar. We adjust to the seasons, time zone, radio stations.  But these friends are just gaining in emotional connection to me. They are not replacements and they are still earning status as additions. If home is where the heart is, my sense of home is clearly divided.

*Note: Picture of artwork titled “Limbo” by Helene Davis.

Family celebrity

The big topic of conversation among my extended family is that my niece is on the Real World:DC on MTV. We’ve known about it for months but couldn’t say anything while they were shooting this summer. But last week the show premiered and now the whole world – or at least those who watch the show – knows.

It was just a fun road trip away from a boring day in college for Callie to go for the show audition in Austin last year. But one thing led to another and she was selected to be one of the 8 kids who would live together in a house in Washington DC for the summer. She goes to Sam Houston State College which I guess is not near anything too populated, so summer in the city was a very big deal for Callie. And she did an internship at the Washington Blade. Evidently Callie is really interested in and very good at photography. And the show brought her together with 7 others kids whom she really likes/liked and gave her many new experiences, and daily opportunities to party.

I followed her on the internet over the summer. Primarily I was interested in how she/the cast would be discussed, tracked, discovered by people online. The identities of the cast were supposed to be secret. I think it took about two days for Callie’s identity, her background, pix from his high school years, etc. to surface and be shared widely.

Alice and I visited her during the summer. We met her at the house, then went to dinner with she and one of the other girls in the house (Erika, whose bangs were so severely parted on one side that I kept wanted to brush them out of her eyes). We got a tour (looks in person like it does on TV, except messier and dirtier), then went for dinner nearby. The girls were little chatterboxes. It was fun to listen to their experiences. Mostly I took out of the evening that Callie was having a great time. When returned to DC for the first show last week, the local news did an interview. Watch it here. Scroll to the bottom for the uncut interview. Callie was great.

And now, post editing, the show is being aired. I’ve watched the first two episodes. This is NOT going to be easy. I’ve discovered quickly that the show is about 2 things: partying and sex. And I know this is because I’m not 21, but the show is really boring. But then MTV could care less if I watch the show.

So, we’ll watch. We’ll support our blood from the Longhorn State. Go Callie. Have fun. Be safe.