High heels, high hopes and my fears

So this is what happened. I came back from a business trip about three weeks ago and Alice tells me that while at Target, she is approached by a woman from a modeling agency. Visions Management. The woman tells her that they are a legit agency and that they might be interested in representing her. That they don’t ask for any money up front and only get paid a commission based on the models’ work. With that, Alice pulls out a pink ‘leave a message’ slip with handwriting on the back. A phone number, name and website.

Now some background and this explains why I didn’t tear up the paper OR jump with excitement. My daughter is beautiful. She entered puberty and has come out with classic good looks.

I’d put her in a Scarlett Johansen group. She also is tall for some reason (now 5′ 8 1/2″). I’m about 5′4″ (on a good day) and my husband is probably 5′9″. No basketball players in this gene pool. Alice has two tall cousins on my side but I’m sure they got that from their tall mother (my former sister in law).

There was also a time in the last couple months that we were at the local Dairy Queen and the manager said she could be a model. Alice’s reaction of nonchalance told me that that wasn’t the first time she’d heard something like that. But to hear it expressed in earnest by a stranger validated my own belief that she was beautiful (and not just in the way that all parents think their kids are gorgeous – because they are).

She’d asked about modeling, as most kids do, for the last year or so. My reaction has been not to say no, but to place conditions on the notion.

1. Keep up your grades.
2. Do something healthy and positive for your body.
3. Give back to your community.

For at least 6 months.

Without getting into the drama, #1 has been tough this past year, and #3 is tough for my kid whose less than civic minded, but in the spirit of our arrangement, she’s done all three. #2’s not too hard for Alice because she takes ballet regularly and truly loves it. And she’s been on the high school danceline. It’s summer, and her request was to do this modeling thing for now, as a boredom beater. We’re anticipating another tough school year ahead. So, we set up a contract that she could explore modeling for the summer but had to continue her community service and study math and/or Spanish (two trouble spots from last school year).

Why am I not excited about this attention given to my kid that other kids (and possibly their parents) would love?

Because women have a tough time in the media. They are objectified and their talents and abilities treated as nonimportant or nonexistent. They are valued for their breasts, their faces, how flat their stomachs are, and how round their butts are. The cosmetic and weight loss industries depend on women feeling less about themselves because of their looks. I would add the fashion industry as well but I’m withholding complete judgment because I just don’t know enough. I don’t think its all evil; I’ve just never ‘gotten’ the fashion thing (as anyone who knows me can attest) and buy clothes largely for comfort and price, and spend all of about 5 minutes on my looks for the day.

And I’m concerned about models being treated more as human mannequins rather than thinking, breathing, feeling beings that make a positive contribution to the world and who have more going on than their measurements and what the world sees. Especially when pressure and value is placed on a few pounds, slimmer thighs or other physical features that result in diminished self-esteem, disordered eating, depression and the like. A model just killed herself last week.

So why let Alice do this? Because she can and because she wants to and because we’re with her every step of the way and won’t let anything bad happen to her. Is there any more value if she were to have the talent to be selected for a baseball or basketball team? Or if she was a gifted artist (which actually she is) or a musician? They all have the potential for a later career and for money making. Of them all there is likely the most positive, obvious developmental benefit to music (as it connects to math ability). Yet these are all fields of arts and entertainment (sports is, really, to me, only that). And if a child is part of the 1 or 2% with a certain talent, ability or in this case, physical condition, and they want to pursue it, should a parent not support them?

Yes, if it’s harmful (they all can be) to the child, and yes if what the child is doing is harmful to society. I can protect Alice from the former; its the latter than I’m still deciding on.

~ by modelmom on July 2, 2008.