Willing accomplice, removed protector, blushing boy
My husband is involved in this too. Of course Alice couldn’t go into this activity unless it was a family decision and both her parents weighed in on it and agreed. His concerns mirror mine. Yet, they are different. They have to be. And I’m finding his participation and involvement is helpful, yet removed and guarded, and when confronted with certain realities, conflicted.
He is helpful in running errands as needed (not many yet, so far just dropping something off at Visions) and tolerating any household discussion of the whole modeling thing, and supportive to Alice when she shares the detail.
For the most part, he is though, removed. And that’s OK. In part this is just practical; it’s the summer and I’m around more. But in some ways I think Patrick regards this as women’s territory, or just Susan-Alice territory. We watch all the shows on Bravo, we have a common interest in make-up, hair, and fashion (well, Alice does anyway, I’m just the marketing target), and we’re of the female persuasion. Me, the female already socialized; Alice the female being socialized. There’s a common understanding that he doesn’t share and doesn’t believe he shares. So in general, the whole package is just not familiar. And I think he thinks Alice prefers if I take the lead on this one.
Plus he trusts me.
Yet, there is a caution in his distance that is well within his fatherly duties. He will not let anyone or anything hurt his kid. (This includes his desire that Alice’s pictures not be posted online – including this blog. While I don’t share this concern, I comply). And I perfectly understand and expect that his voice will be heard if he senses that her emotions, body or sense of herself are harmed.
And there is clearly an element of discomfort. I noticed this very clearly when we came home with Alice’s Polaroid page and his glance at it was brief. Call it Catholic schoolboy, father in denial that his daughter is growing, whatever. He did not want to look closely at the pictures. I can be objective to a point; Patrick has a much harder time with objectivity.
This division of labor is fine. Because I know that I’ve had more on the job training – and I know that the hard emotional work is very 50-50.
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