Close shave

Alice started shaving her legs a few years ago. We had lots of discussion about it when she first wanted to start, and overall its gone well. And except for the times that she wants me to shell out cash for what I think are overly expensive blades or razors, it’s become a non-issue in our household.

But the issue came up on a listserv for parenting educators that I’m on (NPEN), when one of the members (who’s a man and a father) sought help to answer the question from a reader of his regular column on parenting. The question was from a mother of a 9 year old who wondered what to tell her daughter who wanted to start, in part to avoid the teasing of her friends.

I was interested in my colleagues’ responses to this, and here Gary summarizes and posts his answer to the question. . Essentially the advice is this, if she can do it safely, let her do it. Some specific points made were these:

• for many girls shaving one’s legs is a rite of passage to adulthood and the mother should ‘be there’ for her daughter and encourage her learning and her choices
• at 9 she is still a girl and immature in many ways. Her physical safety should be monitored, and she should be limited to just shaving her lower legs (rather than areas around the bikini bottom promoted for older teens and women)
• or rather than shaving, if she wants to remove the hair, try chemical products, like Nair

Still others took a different tack:

• rather than focusing on shaving her legs, the mother should concern herself with her daughter’s self-esteem and her need to look and act like other girls
• since teasing by others was part of the motivation to shave, the mother should also help her daughter deal with managing her response to bullying

I love my colleagues. In their responses they have touched on many perspectives of parenting: keeping our children safe, promoting their physical, psychological, social and emotional growth, respecting them as individuals, taking the broader view of popular culture and social dynamics as influences on behavior and self-esteem.

My own advice to Alice when it came up centered pretty much around, “why would you want to?” She is very fair and her hair is light. There may have been an age criteria, like 11, but I don’t remember. I do know that my conversations emphasized both safety (not til you’re old enough to handle a blade) and social conformity. And I probably checked some of the ‘know your body’ books that we’d gotten for her (and that she read/reads. If you’re curious – books like these are incredibly valuable to girls and boys. They can read about issues they are shy to discuss, and they do want the facts). I have high regard for folks who specialize in personal health and sex education for kids. And I do remember getting some of the lotion stuff first. No, a washcloth was first, but when I gave in, we went with something Alice found a coupon for. It wasn’t as bad, but it stank just like the stuff I used in the early 1970s.

It was a good question because it brought up another issue that women feel they need to conform with (smooth legs – and more?), yet which some women, because of genetics or their social situation have more freedom on their choices. My hair is light, but would I have been so bold to reject shaving if my hair was darker and thicker? And my choice of workplace is very liberal when it comes to attire. But would I be a fan of the blade if I worked in a setting that encouraged women’s wear of skirts? Of course our personal choices reveal our principles about conforming to beauty. Shaving is a feminist issue. And it is an interesting, representative issue, because it does involve choice (including the choice to shave) and encourages use to explore through our daughter’s first time, early choices, the reasons why.

~ by modelmom on October 6, 2008.